Fourteen years ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar. At the time, I couldn’t think of anything more pitiful. Me? With a mental illness? Surely not. This was in the middle of a full-blown manic episode. I tried to deny that anything was wrong, and I didn’t want to take medicine the rest of my life. …
An overreaction
A little over thirteen years ago, during my first week of college, I stopped sleeping. I was recovering from wisdom tooth surgery, and I was probably well on my way to mania before I officially stopped sleeping. By my count, I went 85 hours without sleep. I likely had a psychotic break thrown in as …
Finding yourself in a mixed-state
Looking back on 2023 mostly brings happy thoughts. Our first year of marriage was fun, and we grew closer and more in love. However, I also know I was likely borderline depressed during a lot of it. Not a full depression at any point. I just didn’t have energy or motivation to do anything besides …
Evolution
I went through high school unmedicated. My illness flew under the radar, mostly because I played sports year around, and I exercised at least two hours a day, except some weekends. I didn’t sleep much, particularly in high school. I don’t think my parents realized I did homework until 12:00 AM and woke up at …
A new doctor – thank goodness
In 2011, shortly after I received my bipolar diagnosis (which I got from a psychiatric hospital the week of my first and only psychotic break), I started seeing a psychiatrist outside of the hospital. He was quirky, and he helped me think critically about how to manage my illness. He gave me ideas for how …
Good mood or hypomania?
I received my bipolar diagnosis a little over twelve years ago as a freshman in college. It took me a couple years to accept my diagnosis as valid, and looking back on my life pre-diagnosis, there is a lot of evidence that substantiate my having bipolar disorder. I spent most of my high school years …
Welcome back, Hypomania!
After being diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2011, my psychiatrist and I spent the next few years figuring out the right doses for my medication. At first, sleep was not a problem. My medicine actually made me too tired; I took both around 6:00 pm and would be in bed by 7:00. Since couldn’t be …
Moving past anger
Ever since I can remember, low-level rage flows constantly underneath any mood I experience. It only takes one little nudge for me to allow my temper to take control and overwhelm everything else going on. In childhood, I frequently blew up at my siblings over nothing. I do not remember any specifics except yelling at …
Just be
I didn’t have many friends in high school or college. Unmedicated and incredibly intense, I had a hard time being close to anyone in high school. I became friends with a girl a grade below me and our friendship was strong at first and then it petered out. We became close very fast and eventually …
Regimented to the extreme
After my manic episode nearly ten years ago, I went to an outpatient facility for a few weeks. My prick of a psychiatrist discharged me without first consulting my parents. I was nineteen, so legally an adult. However, I behaved like an eight-year-old at best in the aftermath of my psychotic break. I had no …
Between Two Poles 