Fourteen years ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar. At the time, I couldn’t think of anything more pitiful. Me? With a mental illness? Surely not. This was in the middle of a full-blown manic episode. I tried to deny that anything was wrong, and I didn’t want to take medicine the rest of my life. …
An overreaction
A little over thirteen years ago, during my first week of college, I stopped sleeping. I was recovering from wisdom tooth surgery, and I was probably well on my way to mania before I officially stopped sleeping. By my count, I went 85 hours without sleep. I likely had a psychotic break thrown in as …
Finding yourself in a mixed-state
Looking back on 2023 mostly brings happy thoughts. Our first year of marriage was fun, and we grew closer and more in love. However, I also know I was likely borderline depressed during a lot of it. Not a full depression at any point. I just didn’t have energy or motivation to do anything besides …
Evolution
I went through high school unmedicated. My illness flew under the radar, mostly because I played sports year around, and I exercised at least two hours a day, except some weekends. I didn’t sleep much, particularly in high school. I don’t think my parents realized I did homework until 12:00 AM and woke up at …
A new doctor – thank goodness
In 2011, shortly after I received my bipolar diagnosis (which I got from a psychiatric hospital the week of my first and only psychotic break), I started seeing a psychiatrist outside of the hospital. He was quirky, and he helped me think critically about how to manage my illness. He gave me ideas for how …
Good mood or hypomania?
I received my bipolar diagnosis a little over twelve years ago as a freshman in college. It took me a couple years to accept my diagnosis as valid, and looking back on my life pre-diagnosis, there is a lot of evidence that substantiate my having bipolar disorder. I spent most of my high school years …
Moving past anger
Ever since I can remember, low-level rage flows constantly underneath any mood I experience. It only takes one little nudge for me to allow my temper to take control and overwhelm everything else going on. In childhood, I frequently blew up at my siblings over nothing. I do not remember any specifics except yelling at …
Nine years and many more to come
Nine years ago, almost down to the minute, I received a call from my dad about Ray Hardin passing away. He’d been fighting lung cancer, and we knew the end was near. That didn’t keep the shock of his death from hitting me in the face. The previous Monday, I’d had my wisdom teeth removed. …
Mania
About a week ago, I went to church with my mom and dad. During bible class, our preacher asked the young people in the room what our parents did that made us feel good. I thought it was an odd question, as did my mom. He provided us with slips of paper on which to …
For mood!
In a little over two weeks, I will celebrate what I call my bipolar birthday. August 22, 2011 was my first day of mania, followed soon by a psychotic break. Ah! Such fond memories (not). I cannot believe it’s been nine years! For nine years, I’ve taken Geodon and Lamictal every night (except a few …
Between Two Poles 