Ever since I can remember, low-level rage flows constantly underneath any mood I experience. It only takes one little nudge for me to allow my temper to take control and overwhelm everything else going on. In childhood, I frequently blew up at my siblings over nothing. I do not remember any specifics except yelling at …
Nine years and many more to come
Nine years ago, almost down to the minute, I received a call from my dad about Ray Hardin passing away. He’d been fighting lung cancer, and we knew the end was near. That didn’t keep the shock of his death from hitting me in the face. The previous Monday, I’d had my wisdom teeth removed. …
Mania
About a week ago, I went to church with my mom and dad. During bible class, our preacher asked the young people in the room what our parents did that made us feel good. I thought it was an odd question, as did my mom. He provided us with slips of paper on which to …
For mood!
In a little over two weeks, I will celebrate what I call my bipolar birthday. August 22, 2011 was my first day of mania, followed soon by a psychotic break. Ah! Such fond memories (not). I cannot believe it’s been nine years! For nine years, I’ve taken Geodon and Lamictal every night (except a few …
Mixed-state beware
The hallmarks of bipolar disorder are mania and depression. The illness used to be called manic-depressive disorder until someone decided calling it bipolar disorder is more PC. The semantics do not matter a whole lot to me, but calling it manic-depressive is more descriptive and informative. The word bipolar lends itself to word play, so …
Acceptance
I’m not sure what to write about this morning, so I am using a prompt from Beckie’s Mental Mess, a blog written by an amazing advocate for mental illnesses. She is also very supportive of other bloggers who want to share their stories about mental illness. When you first found out that you had a …
Regrets
I have quite a few regrets from my life, but one in particular still causes me angst because of the tragedy I brought on myself. It happened in February of 2017. It was a Monday. I exercised and showered like I did every morning. This fateful day would soon be marred by horrors difficult to …
Surviving mania
When you are manic, your mind bounds from one thing to another. To another. To another. Never-endingly. It is impossible to focus your thoughts. Your mind races; its RPM well beyond anything safe. Having coherent thoughts is impossible. So, you try writing them down. Yes. That will solve it. You will write down all your …
Hypomania is where it is at!
For a person with bipolar disorder, hypomania is the place to be! Hypomania is a wonderful area on the mood spectrum. As one of my favorite authors says, it’s three-quarters manic. With hypomania, a person has all the good things about mania, sans the dangerous disregard for consequences. For me, I am my best self …
High school mania
After I was diagnosed and came to accept my diagnosis, a certain day in high school suddenly made much more sense to me. It was a Friday morning of my senior year. It was the beginning of volleyball season, and we had a tournament. We all had to wake up at an un-Godly hour because …
Between Two Poles 