After being diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2011, my psychiatrist and I spent the next few years figuring out the right doses for my medication. At first, sleep was not a problem. My medicine actually made me too tired; I took both around 6:00 pm and would be in bed by 7:00. Since couldn’t be …
Moving past anger
Ever since I can remember, low-level rage flows constantly underneath any mood I experience. It only takes one little nudge for me to allow my temper to take control and overwhelm everything else going on. In childhood, I frequently blew up at my siblings over nothing. I do not remember any specifics except yelling at …
Just be
I didn’t have many friends in high school or college. Unmedicated and incredibly intense, I had a hard time being close to anyone in high school. I became friends with a girl a grade below me and our friendship was strong at first and then it petered out. We became close very fast and eventually …
Regimented to the extreme
After my manic episode nearly ten years ago, I went to an outpatient facility for a few weeks. My prick of a psychiatrist discharged me without first consulting my parents. I was nineteen, so legally an adult. However, I behaved like an eight-year-old at best in the aftermath of my psychotic break. I had no …
Overthinking Overthinking
I think a lot. I’ve often wished I could escape my own head for even a little bit because my brain rarely stops whirring. Until recently, I didn’t necessarily realize how much I overthink things, or how my thinking might be not be the norm. Most of my overthinking resides in my relationships with people. …
Being dropped
In 2007, my little town voted to start a high school. Up to then, the school district only went up to eighth grade, and everyone funneled into a neighboring town’s high schools. I was in that first graduating class, which meant I was always an upperclassman. I played all the sports, and my junior and …
Writing demons
I seem to have three moods as they pertain to writing. First, I have the I-don’t-want-to-write-anything mood. This is my default. Consequently, I can go weeks upon weeks without writing anything. This is a horrible habit, and since I want to write a book in the near future, one I will have to kill. Second, …
Acceptance
As a kid, summers were my favorite. No school! Swimming, sweating, and playing all day. No cares in the world. Not to mention, I used to be the biggest pansy when it came to cold weather. I hated it. Over the years, summers obviously became less special because, once you are in the real world, …
The cost of mental health
I got laid off back in March. Somehow, the company had incredible foresight and laid off about 100 employees right before COVID-19 caused all the shutdowns. For five months, I lived on the severance my company gave me and my writing and editing side hustle. Things became a little more desperate in August, and on …
Nine years and many more to come
Nine years ago, almost down to the minute, I received a call from my dad about Ray Hardin passing away. He’d been fighting lung cancer, and we knew the end was near. That didn’t keep the shock of his death from hitting me in the face. The previous Monday, I’d had my wisdom teeth removed. …
Between Two Poles 