Looking back on 2023 mostly brings happy thoughts. Our first year of marriage was fun, and we grew closer and more in love. However, I also know I was likely borderline depressed during a lot of it. Not a full depression at any point. I just didn’t have energy or motivation to do anything besides …
Learned Behavior (Part I)
My best friend and I have been texting quite a bit recently, and a couple of her comments have me thinking. I sometimes do my best thinking when I journal, so I’m going to try to process our conversations through writing. My friend and I share a deep adoration for books and reading. I liked …
A new doctor – thank goodness
In 2011, shortly after I received my bipolar diagnosis (which I got from a psychiatric hospital the week of my first and only psychotic break), I started seeing a psychiatrist outside of the hospital. He was quirky, and he helped me think critically about how to manage my illness. He gave me ideas for how …
Vulnerability
A few months ago, one of the minsters at my church asked me to make a video for the online service that week. (We are still meeting virtually thanks to COVID.) He asked me to talk about my mental health journey. I’d been itching to tell my story, so I gladly accepted. I wrote a …
For mood!
In a little over two weeks, I will celebrate what I call my bipolar birthday. August 22, 2011 was my first day of mania, followed soon by a psychotic break. Ah! Such fond memories (not). I cannot believe it’s been nine years! For nine years, I’ve taken Geodon and Lamictal every night (except a few …
Mixed-state beware
The hallmarks of bipolar disorder are mania and depression. The illness used to be called manic-depressive disorder until someone decided calling it bipolar disorder is more PC. The semantics do not matter a whole lot to me, but calling it manic-depressive is more descriptive and informative. The word bipolar lends itself to word play, so …
The good, the bad, and the ugly (See also: hypomania)
Because of my medicine (which is awesome in every way) and how vigilant I am with sleep, I spend a lot of time in hypomania or just shy of that extreme. What is hypomania? Terri Cheney describes hypomania as three-quarters manic. Speaking from experience, I have boundless energy and ideas are fast when I’m hypomanic. …
Continue reading "The good, the bad, and the ugly (See also: hypomania)"
A pointless post
Yesterday, I woke up at 1:00 AM after six hours of sleep (yes, I went to bed at 7:00—thanks Geodon). Waking up that early can go one of two ways. I can be energetic and witty and happy all day (very rare). I am energetic and witty, but easily annoyed and incredibly irritable, pretty much …
My authentic self
Earlier this week, I posted a piece called Taking off the mask. It's about using humor to avoid vulnerability and to keep people at a safe distance emotionally. After some reflection, I’m afraid I inadvertently downgraded the benefits of humor. The cliché saying that laughter is the best medicine is not far from the truth. …
Taking off the mask
I saw the live-action Aladdin last week with two boys I babysit. One of the boys is ten years old and the other one is seven. We had the following conversation on the way home: D (10): Who do you think was the funnier Genie? The cartoon or this one? Me: Well, Robin Williams played …
Between Two Poles 