Yesterday, I woke up at 1:00 AM after six hours of sleep (yes, I went to bed at 7:00—thanks Geodon). Waking up that early can go one of two ways.
- I can be energetic and witty and happy all day (very rare).
- I am energetic and witty, but easily annoyed and incredibly irritable, pretty much all day (common).
I experienced number two yesterday. I’m living with my parents right now, and everything they did annoyed me yesterday afternoon.
I’ve been living with them for a year. I’ve been saving up for a down payment on a house, and I put an offer in on a house yesterday. I am so close to freedom, I think I’m a little antsy to get away, but I know it might take a while. That’s frustrating. Some days I am just done.
I am easily annoyed on good days, and when I’m already irritable and moody, I’m insufferable. I’m sure my parents are just as ready for me to leave as I am.
I went to bed last night at 8:00. I forced myself to stay up until then to avoid another short night of sleep. I didn’t have to go to work today, and I was able to sleep until 6:20.
I exercised first thing like I always do, but I’m in one of my least favorite moods today.
I feel simultaneously listless and compulsive. I’d really like to go eat a big bowl of ice cream and go shopping to buy crap I don’t need with money I should be saving. I’m trying to lose weight, so I can’t go eat ice cream; and I’m still saving for a house, so I can’t go shopping.
To avoid these feelings, I would like to just sleep for a few hours. But I can’t nap. Ever.
I spent two hours laying on my bed not able to shut down my mind. Not an ideal way to spend two hours, but I don’t feel like reading or writing. I’m forcing myself to write this post, and it’s pretty worthless.
I’m not sure if I’m already in the midst of a minor depression, or if my mind and body are gearing up for a more significant depression.
I’m also in the mood to pick fights and be ugly to people, but that usually comes back to bite me in the ass, so I’m avoiding that as well.
I’m using a lot of willpower today, and it’s exhausting.