Vulnerability

A few months ago, one of the minsters at my church asked me to make a video for the online service that week. (We are still meeting virtually thanks to COVID.) He asked me to talk about my mental health journey. I’d been itching to tell my story, so I gladly accepted. I wrote a …

For mood!

In a little over two weeks, I will celebrate what I call my bipolar birthday. August 22, 2011 was my first day of mania, followed soon by a psychotic break. Ah! Such fond memories (not). I cannot believe it’s been nine years! For nine years, I’ve taken Geodon and Lamictal every night (except a few …

Mixed-state beware

The hallmarks of bipolar disorder are mania and depression. The illness used to be called manic-depressive disorder until someone decided calling it bipolar disorder is more PC. The semantics do not matter a whole lot to me, but calling it manic-depressive is more descriptive and informative. The word bipolar lends itself to word play, so …

A pointless post

Yesterday, I woke up at 1:00 AM after six hours of sleep (yes, I went to bed at 7:00—thanks Geodon). Waking up that early can go one of two ways. I can be energetic and witty and happy all day (very rare). I am energetic and witty, but easily annoyed and incredibly irritable, pretty much …

My authentic self

Earlier this week, I posted a piece called Taking off the mask. It's about using humor to avoid vulnerability and to keep people at a safe distance emotionally. After some reflection, I’m afraid I inadvertently downgraded the benefits of humor. The cliché saying that laughter is the best medicine is not far from the truth. …

Taking off the mask

I saw the live-action Aladdin last week with two boys I babysit. One of the boys is ten years old and the other one is seven. We had the following conversation on the way home: D (10): Who do you think was the funnier Genie? The cartoon or this one? Me: Well, Robin Williams played …

Acceptance

I’m not sure what to write about this morning, so I am using a prompt from Beckie’s Mental Mess, a blog written by an amazing advocate for mental illnesses. She is also very supportive of other bloggers who want to share their stories about mental illness. When you first found out that you had a …

Hope

Depression is darkness. An absence of all things good. Nothing looks, sounds, or feels right. There is no relief; there is only pain. When someone asks what hurts, the only accurate answer is, “Everything.” It’s impossible to articulate the hole depression leaves in your soul. You do not feel whole or worthy. There is no …

I love my meds!

When I was first diagnosed as bipolar, I was not happy about having to take medicine. I didn’t exactly refuse to take it, but I did bitch and moan about it for a while. My sister is also bipolar, and she’d been on some medicine for several years that worked really well for her. My …