A little over thirteen years ago, during my first week of college, I stopped sleeping. I was recovering from wisdom tooth surgery, and I was probably well on my way to mania before I officially stopped sleeping. By my count, I went 85 hours without sleep. I likely had a psychotic break thrown in as …
Learned Behavior (Part I)
My best friend and I have been texting quite a bit recently, and a couple of her comments have me thinking. I sometimes do my best thinking when I journal, so I’m going to try to process our conversations through writing. My friend and I share a deep adoration for books and reading. I liked …
Vulnerability
A few months ago, one of the minsters at my church asked me to make a video for the online service that week. (We are still meeting virtually thanks to COVID.) He asked me to talk about my mental health journey. I’d been itching to tell my story, so I gladly accepted. I wrote a …
Never say never
I’ve been slightly MIA for the past few months. I’m sorry about that. I just bought a house, and I’ve been busy with house stuffs. However, I cannot blame my lack of blog posts solely on my house. I’ve had plenty of time to write, I just haven’t been in the mood. Even when I’ve …
‘Tis my birthday…in a way
I have a thing about remembering people’s birthdays. I don’t know how I do it, honestly. I have a lot of my friends’ birthdates floating around in my head. I know people’s birthdays who don’t even know who I am anymore. Anyway! On most mornings, I think about what the date is, and riffle through …
Conquering the lies
Since last fall, my suicidal thoughts have progressively gotten worse. I started seeing a therapist last November, and I’m sifting through trauma and shame that’s never been addressed. I am fairly certain this is the reason for the increase in frequency and severity of my suicidal thoughts. For some reason, the thoughts were bad the …
The most beautiful word
I know a lot of words. I’ve always been a voracious reader, which has indubitably proliferated my vocabulary…. Anyway! I don’t actually write like that. Point is, my vocabulary is ginormous. But there is one word that is more beautiful than all the rest combined. One monosyllabic word. A word with only two letters. No. …
Loving and being loved
I’ve been completely MIA for the past week or so. Everything is okay. I honestly haven’t felt like writing, mostly because I’ve been reading some books that a friend recommended. One is called Safe People and the other is called Boundaries. Both books were incredibly enlightening, and I’m sure I will write a post about …
Hope
Depression is darkness. An absence of all things good. Nothing looks, sounds, or feels right. There is no relief; there is only pain. When someone asks what hurts, the only accurate answer is, “Everything.” It’s impossible to articulate the hole depression leaves in your soul. You do not feel whole or worthy. There is no …
Another post on friendship
Friendships are a funny thing. Have you ever spent time thinking about how you met each one of your closest friends? I do it a lot, and it is fascinating. I have friends who I’ve met through church, and that isn’t necessarily the biggest deal because those people are obviously like-minded and looking for community. …
Between Two Poles 