Woman crashes car after going blind listening to hip-hop radio station

The following is satirical.

Sherry Sorensen has a long and arduous commute to her job three miles from her house. Sherry will be the first to admit three miles, on the face of it, doesn’t seem to qualify as long, much less arduous; however, upon further investigation, both claims seem to hold true.

Sherry has a vintage 1952 Mustang. It does not have the coveted feature of Bluetooth—or even an AUX outlet—so she is left to the mercy of her radio. On Friday, her antiquated radio situation almost killed her.

The Electronic Blue Grass station she normally listens to was on a commercial break, and Sherry wanted to find something pleasant in the interim. Electronic Blue Grass stations are notorious for their geriatric-centered commercials. As horrible as commercials for adult butt creams are, Sherry will never take them for granted again.

Upon switching channels, Sherry accidentally landed on an incredibly popular hip-hop station. Unfortunately, that station was playing music. The music was so atrocious, Sherry’s ears instantly started bleeding, and she went blind from the pain. She proceeded to run her car into a light pole. The radio was completely destroyed, and Sherry regained her sight as soon as the music stopped playing.

She has Farmers Insurance; she’s covered (they even featured her in a commercial!). Sherry was unscathed in the accident; her car was not as fortunate. She is on the market for a new car. We advised her to look for something made in the last decade, at the very least.

Sherry blames her refined taste in music for the accident. Her ears are overly sensitive to garbage of any sort. This includes, but is not limited to, sports commentators who can’t figure out how to use adverbs correctly; music with lyrics so shallow, it brings depth to toddler’s farts; people who cannot control the volume of their voices; cats.

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