Yesterday, I woke up at 1:00 AM after six hours of sleep (yes, I went to bed at 7:00—thanks Geodon). Waking up that early can go one of two ways. I can be energetic and witty and happy all day (very rare). I am energetic and witty, but easily annoyed and incredibly irritable, pretty much …
The most beautiful word
I know a lot of words. I’ve always been a voracious reader, which has indubitably proliferated my vocabulary…. Anyway! I don’t actually write like that. Point is, my vocabulary is ginormous. But there is one word that is more beautiful than all the rest combined. One monosyllabic word. A word with only two letters. No. …
Loving and being loved
I’ve been completely MIA for the past week or so. Everything is okay. I honestly haven’t felt like writing, mostly because I’ve been reading some books that a friend recommended. One is called Safe People and the other is called Boundaries. Both books were incredibly enlightening, and I’m sure I will write a post about …
My authentic self
Earlier this week, I posted a piece called Taking off the mask. It's about using humor to avoid vulnerability and to keep people at a safe distance emotionally. After some reflection, I’m afraid I inadvertently downgraded the benefits of humor. The cliché saying that laughter is the best medicine is not far from the truth. …
Taking off the mask
I saw the live-action Aladdin last week with two boys I babysit. One of the boys is ten years old and the other one is seven. We had the following conversation on the way home: D (10): Who do you think was the funnier Genie? The cartoon or this one? Me: Well, Robin Williams played …
Acceptance
I’m not sure what to write about this morning, so I am using a prompt from Beckie’s Mental Mess, a blog written by an amazing advocate for mental illnesses. She is also very supportive of other bloggers who want to share their stories about mental illness. When you first found out that you had a …
Hope
Depression is darkness. An absence of all things good. Nothing looks, sounds, or feels right. There is no relief; there is only pain. When someone asks what hurts, the only accurate answer is, “Everything.” It’s impossible to articulate the hole depression leaves in your soul. You do not feel whole or worthy. There is no …
A story of fear and discovery
Fear is a multi-faceted emotion. Being afraid of something that threatens your safety or livelihood is just one vein of fear. Sometimes those sources of anxiety are irrational, as Daniel Gardner argues in his book The Science of Fear. There is also the fear of failure, which I wrote about earlier this week. Here, too, …
Regrets
I have quite a few regrets from my life, but one in particular still causes me angst because of the tragedy I brought on myself. It happened in February of 2017. It was a Monday. I exercised and showered like I did every morning. This fateful day would soon be marred by horrors difficult to …
Perfectionism (aka the fear of failure)
I’ve always been a perfectionist. Some of my perfectionistic qualities when I was younger were probably indicators of some mild obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I’ve gotten better, but my desire for perfection is still alive and well. I remember doing an assignment in first grade, and when we graded our own work, I got one wrong. I …
Between Two Poles 